People-Pleasing & Approval Motivation Test (MLAMS)
A validated 20-question assessment based on the Martin-Larsen Approval Motivation Scale, measuring how much you seek approval from others and adjust yourself to please people.
Who Is This Test For?
This approval motivation test is for anyone who suspects that people-pleasing, fear of disapproval, or excessive concern with others' opinions may be affecting their well-being and relationships.
- People who struggle to say no or set boundaries without feeling guilty
- Those who find themselves changing opinions or behavior to fit in
- Anyone who experiences significant anxiety about others' judgments
- People who feel they've lost touch with their authentic self in relationships
Please read each statement and choose how much you agree or disagree.
Depending upon the people involved, I react to the same situation in different ways.
I would rather be myself than be well thought of.
Many times I feel like just flipping a coin in order to decide what I should do.
I change my opinion (or the way that I do things) in order to please someone else.
In order to get along and be liked, I tend to be what people expect me to be.
I find it difficult to talk about my ideas if they are contrary to group opinion.
One should avoid doing things in public which appear to be wrong to others, even though one knows that he is right.
Sometimes I feel that I don't have enough control over the direction that my life is taking.
It is better to be humble than assertive when dealing with people.
I am willing to argue only if I know that my friends will back me up.
If I hear that someone expresses a poor opinion of me, I do my best the next time that I see this person to make a good impression.
I seldom feel the need to make excuses or apologize for my behavior.
It is not important to me that I behave properly in social situations.
The best way to handle people is to agree with them and tell them what they want to hear.
It is hard for me to go on with my work if I am not encouraged to do so.
If there is any criticism or anyone says anything about me, I can take it.
It is wise to flatter important people.
I am careful at parties and social gatherings for fear that I will do or say things that others won't like.
I usually do not change my position when people disagree with me.
How many friends you have depends on how nice a person you are.
Good To Know
Pause Before Automatic Agreement
When you feel the urge to immediately agree or say yes, take a breath and ask yourself: 'What do I actually think?' This small pause interrupts automatic people-pleasing and creates space for authenticity.
Practice Tolerating Disapproval
Not everyone will like you, and that's okay. Start with small risks—express a mild disagreement, decline a minor request, or share an unpopular opinion. Notice that the feared consequences usually don't materialize.
Distinguish Kindness from Compliance
Ask yourself: 'Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, or because I'm afraid of what they'll think if I don't?' True kindness feels warm; compliance feels anxious or resentful. Choose actions that align with your values, not just others' expectations.
Understanding the MLAMS Approval Motivation Test
T he Martin-Larsen Approval Motivation Scale (MLAMS) was developed by H.J. Martin in 1984 as a revised measure of approval motivation, designed to be less confounded with social desirability than earlier scales. It measures the tendency to seek approval from others and to be affected by their evaluations.
The MLAMS includes 20 statements rated from strongly disagree to strongly agree. Some items reflect direct approval-seeking behaviors (changing opinions to please others, being what people expect, flattering important people), while others reflect the underlying attitudes and fears that drive people-pleasing (fear of criticism, need for encouragement, difficulty being authentic).
This test uses a concern-based scoring where higher scores indicate more approval motivation difficulty. Most items are scored directly (higher agreement = higher concern), while items 2, 12, 13, 16, and 19 are reverse-scored because they reflect independence from approval-seeking. This presentation helps identify when the need for approval may be causing distress or limiting authentic living.
Approval motivation exists on a spectrum. Some concern with others' opinions is normal and adaptive—it helps us maintain relationships and social harmony. However, when approval-seeking becomes excessive, it can lead to chronic anxiety, loss of identity, resentment in relationships, and difficulty making decisions without external validation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is caring about others' opinions always bad?
No. Social awareness and consideration for others are important relationship skills. The concern arises when your need for approval dominates your choices, causes significant anxiety, or leads you to suppress your authentic self. The MLAMS helps identify when approval motivation has become excessive.
How is this test scored?
Most items are scored directly (0-4), where agreeing with approval-seeking statements increases your concern score. Items 2, 12, 13, 16, and 19 are reverse-scored (4-0) because they reflect independence from approval-seeking. Higher total scores indicate more concern with approval motivation.
What's the difference between being nice and people-pleasing?
Being nice comes from genuine care for others and choice. People-pleasing comes from fear of disapproval, need for validation, or anxiety about rejection. Nice behavior feels authentic; people-pleasing often feels anxious, resentful, or like you're performing rather than connecting.
How can I reduce people-pleasing tendencies?
Start by noticing when you automatically agree, apologize, or change yourself for others. Practice small experiments with expressing your true preferences in low-stakes situations. Learn to tolerate the discomfort of potential disapproval—it usually passes. Consider therapy if people-pleasing significantly impacts your life.
Can approval motivation change over time?
Yes. Approval motivation is shaped by experiences and can be modified through awareness and practice. Many people find their need for external validation decreases as they build self-confidence, develop secure relationships, and learn to validate themselves.
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This self-assessment is a screening tool, not a diagnostic instrument. It cannot replace a professional evaluation by a qualified mental health provider. If you're experiencing significant distress or your symptoms are affecting your daily life, please seek help from a healthcare professional. If you're in crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis helpline.