Experiences in Close Relationships (ECR)
The Experiences in Close Relationships (ECR) scale is a validated 36-item self-report instrument used to assess adult attachment styles along two primary dimensions: attachment-related anxiety and attachment-related avoidance.
Who Is This Test For?
The ECR scale is designed for adults who want to understand their relationship patterns and emotional dynamics with romantic partners.
- Adults seeking insight into their recurring relationship patterns
- Couples wanting to understand how their attachment styles interact
- Individuals looking to improve their emotional intimacy and communication
- Anyone interested in the psychological foundations of adult connection
The following statements concern how you feel in romantic relationships. We are interested in how you generally experience relationships, not just in what is happening in a current relationship. Respond to each statement by indicating how much you agree or disagree with it.
I prefer not to show a partner how I feel deep down.
I worry about being abandoned.
I am very comfortable being close to romantic partners.
I worry a lot about my relationships.
Just when my partner starts to get close to me I find myself pulling away.
I worry that romantic partners won't care about me as much as I care about them.
I get uncomfortable when a romantic partner wants to be very close.
I worry a fair amount about losing my partner.
I don't feel comfortable opening up to romantic partners.
I often wish that my partner's feelings for me were as strong as my feelings for him/her.
I want to get close to my partner, but I keep pulling back.
I often want to merge completely with romantic partners, and this sometimes scares them away.
I am nervous when partners get too close to me.
I worry about being alone.
I feel comfortable sharing my private thoughts and feelings with my partner.
My desire to be very close sometimes scares people away.
I try to avoid getting too close to my partner.
I need a lot of reassurance that I am loved by my partner.
I find it relatively easy to get close to my partner.
Sometimes I feel that I force my partners to show more feeling, more commitment.
I find it difficult to allow myself to depend on romantic partners.
I do not often worry about being abandoned.
I prefer not to be too close to romantic partners.
If I can't get my partner to show interest in me, I get upset or angry.
I tell my partner just about everything.
I find that my partner(s) don't want to get as close as I would like.
I usually discuss my problems and concerns with my partner.
When I'm not involved in a relationship, I feel somewhat anxious and insecure.
I feel comfortable depending on romantic partners.
I get frustrated when my partner is not around as much as I would like.
I don't mind asking romantic partners for comfort, advice, or help.
I get frustrated if romantic partners are not available when I need them.
It helps to turn to my romantic partner in times of need.
When romantic partners disapprove of me, I feel really bad about myself.
I turn to my partner for many things, including comfort and reassurance.
I resent it when my partner spends time away from me.
Good To Know
Attachment Styles are Fluid
While formed early, your attachment style isn't a fixed label. Through 'earned security'-consistent work on self-awareness and healthy relationships-you can move toward a more secure style over time. Understanding your starting point is the first step toward change.
The Anxiety-Avoidance Dance
Many conflicts arise from one partner's need for closeness (anxiety) triggering the other's need for space (avoidance). Recognizing this cycle allows you to address the underlying fears rather than just the surface-level behavior. Communication is the bridge across this gap.
Self-Regulation is Key
When your attachment system is triggered, your body's stress response takes over. Learning to self-soothe through breathing or grounding helps you respond from a place of calm rather than reacting from old wounds. A regulated nervous system leads to clearer communication.
Understanding Attachment Styles
A ttachment theory, originally developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, explains how our early experiences with caregivers shape our expectations and behaviors in adult relationships. The Experiences in Close Relationships (ECR) scale, developed by Brennan, Clark, and Shaver in 1998, is the gold standard for measuring these patterns in adults.
The test measures two key dimensions: Attachment Anxiety (fear of rejection and abandonment) and Attachment Avoidance (discomfort with intimacy and dependence). By plotting your scores on these two axes, we can identify which of the four primary attachment styles best describes your current relational patterns.
It's important to know that attachment styles are not fixed 'labels' for life. While they are rooted in early history, many people develop 'earned security' through self-awareness, therapy, and experiences in healthy, stable relationships. Your style can also vary slightly depending on your partner's own attachment patterns.
Understanding your attachment style provides a powerful roadmap for personal growth. It allows you to recognize your automatic reactions to relationship stress and choose healthier ways of communicating your needs and managing your emotions.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can my attachment style change?
Yes. Attachment styles are relatively stable but plastic. Through a process called 'earned security,' individuals with insecure styles can become more secure through self-work, therapy, and being in long-term healthy relationships. It usually takes consistent effort and time.
How do these styles affect my choice of partners?
We often unconsciously seek out partners who confirm our internal models of relationships. For example, people with anxious attachment are often drawn to avoidant partners, which creates a cycle where one's need for closeness triggers the other's need for space, reinforcing both people's insecurities.
Is one style 'better' than the others?
Secure attachment is associated with the highest relationship satisfaction and mental well-being. However, insecure styles (Anxious, Dismissing, Fearful) are not 'bad'-they were often adaptive survival strategies developed in childhood to cope with specific environments. The goal is moving toward security.
Can I have different styles with different people?
Yes. While we have a general 'global' attachment style, our specific style can be activated differently depending on the person. A partner who is very secure might make an anxious person feel more secure, while a very avoidant partner might trigger more anxiety.
What is 'earned security'?
Earned security is the process by which someone with an insecure attachment history develops a secure attachment style as an adult. This happens by making sense of one's past, developing healthy coping mechanisms, and experiencing reliable, consistent support in adult relationships.
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This self-assessment is a screening tool, not a diagnostic instrument. It cannot replace a professional evaluation by a qualified mental health provider. If you're experiencing significant distress or your symptoms are affecting your daily life, please seek help from a healthcare professional. If you're in crisis, contact emergency services or a crisis helpline.